Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I just sharted jello shots
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