saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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