Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
