We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize