i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
