Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
