You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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