Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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