You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
