I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
