if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
smell my finger.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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