You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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