No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
