He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
