Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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