I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
