it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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