So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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