when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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