He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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