i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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