let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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