if only i could text you this smell
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is my gift to your gina
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
