About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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