I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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