Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
