I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
