So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
