My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
