Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
