All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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