We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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