We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
