Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
