I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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