a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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