i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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