Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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