PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
