Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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