Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
