Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
