even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
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I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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