I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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