you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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