R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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