my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
