You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You ate ashes out of my bong
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
