Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
