that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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