Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to calm my uterus...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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