My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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