Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
