i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
