In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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