Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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