Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
