I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
