I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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