***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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