can we get nightvision for the apartment?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
