Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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