it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
