the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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