Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
