I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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