his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
