Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
