So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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