Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
