Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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