Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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