would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't deserve a penis
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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