My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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