Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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