I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
