you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
