just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
