I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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