hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
