I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
