we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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