I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
