I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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